On March 22, I said goodbye to my beautiful soul companion – my dog, Rihanna. Grief is a transformative journey, one that fractures the heart and guides us into the depths of a dark abyss. Yet within this seemingly endless darkness lies an unexpected opportunity for profound growth. It is here, amidst the intertwined threads of the gift and destruction of grief, that we confront the essence of life and death.
Rumi has a famous quote: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
Rihanna was a beautiful, sweet girl. She became my guard dog, companion, fur baby, hiking and adventure buddy, and the love of my life. I faced many griefs along the way but she remained a constant source of love.
Before her passing, she had injured her leg and during the examination, they found a large mass in her abdomen. With further testing, they discovered that it was an aggressive form of cancer. The week before her death, I felt death present, like a living presence lingering around. The night before her passing, we looked into each other’s eyes, time stopped, and I knew her departure was near. The next morning, she would not move and the vet informed me the best thing I could do was put her down that day.
As Ram Dass stated: “We are all just walking each other home,” and so I walked her home. Only 9 years old and she showed me unconditional love and changed my soul forever. To know a love that deep – I will cherish it forever.
We experience grief in so many ways – death happens in every moment. It could be profound losses, like the death of a loved one, loss of a home, or a loss of opportunities and expectations (such as feeling a connection with someone but they disappear, or you grieve the person you thought they were, loss of a job, finances, and other losses).
In those moments we feel broken. Life feels empty and unfamiliar, and the future murky.
Each scenario gives us different gifts (learning what we value in life) and teaches us different ways to soothe our heart.
The Gift in Grief
In the midst of devastation, we can choose bitterness or we can choose love. It takes effort to keep choosing love. Grief unveils hidden gifts:
- Honouring the Essence of Life & Death: Experiencing Rihanna’s departure was profound, reminiscent of a similar event during an Ayahuasca journey in Peru back in 2014 – I felt myself as energy, vibrating at a higher frequency, merging, becoming part of a larger energy – akin to death. This experience brought the concepts I had studied in yoga to an embodied wisdom – beyond books/teachings. At Rihanna’s moment of transition, I felt her energy vibrate high and I knew Rihanna was returning to the Energy Source/Consciousness I had experienced. Honouring Life and Death, we begin to recognize that our happiness and identity cannot be dependent on impermanent things, not even our bodies. We have to go within to connect with that which is impermanent. Life is a cycle of connections/attachments and loss/detachment, guiding us to flow with the rhythms of life and death, anchored in awareness.
- Being Present: Knowing something is impermanent makes us more present. We savour a Being’s presence and life’s sweetness in the present moment, rather than desiring something from it or them, or letting our minds wander. How many times have we talked ourselves out of a possible future because the mind puts up roadblocks and doesn’t want to be in the present moment? The Being in front of us becomes precious because they may not be here tomorrow and this very moment will never happen again.
- Emotional Resiliency: Grief is a journey that never ends. Major milestones stir tender feelings. Time doesn’t erase pain, but it provides space – spaciousness between the waves of grief and spaciousness to hold the grief and the emptiness of life without them. We learn to embrace the waves, whether they arise unexpectedly or are triggered by something specific. Currently, I’m reading “How We Live is How We Die” by Pema Chodron, which explores the Buddhist concept of Bardo (the transition between death and rebirth). Chodron emphasizes practicing embracing life’s transitions, including the transitions of emotions, as they prepare us for the transition of death and after death.
- Transformation & Growth: Grief sparks deep changes, leading us to reassess our lives, priorities, and connections. In the midst of sorrow, we shed old layers, emerging renewed and transformed. Rihanna embodied pure love as she is Energy, and Energy is pure love.
- Deepened Empathy: Shared grief brings us closer, fostering empathy and understanding. As we navigate our own pain, we become more sensitive to the suffering of others, forming connections that go beyond words. While I may not fully understand the pain of losing a child, having never had a child, I can empathize with someone’s grief. My empathy runs deeper with those who have gone through similar experiences as myself, such as losing a loved one, collapse of a business, facing betrayal and divorce, or dealing with the loss of a pet. When others share their pain, we listen with blankets of love and can share in the depths between their words – to a place that connects our souls.
Healing Through Ritual, Yoga and Meditation
Ritual, restorative yoga, Yoga Nidra, meditation, and other tools offer us a sanctuary amidst the storm of grief:
- Ritual: I once visited the home of a strong, caring woman and noticed a beautiful altar dedicated to her deceased son. My visit was prompted by a dream I had about her son, whom I had never met. In the dream, he conveyed a message to perform this ritual. When I shared the dream with a friend, he revealed that the deceased man’s mother had practiced this ritual. In her home, she guided me through the ritual. Following Rihanna’s passing, I remembered this lady’s altar and decided to create a similar tribute. I displayed my favourite picture of Rihanna, placed the urn with her ashes, and included her paw print and a candle. I light a candle for her every day as a tribute. Additionally, I plan to scatter her ashes in her favourite forest with a dear friend – as she adored him and he truly saw and loved her. I also intend to have a necklace made with her ashes, intertwined with a Sri Yantra, symbolizing consciousness and love. These rituals bring me great comfort. Across various cultures and religions worldwide, rituals surrounding death are prevalent. These rituals aid in the grieving process and serve as an acknowledgment of our love, loss and a celebration of their life.
- Restorative Yoga: Gentle and nurturing, restorative yoga provides a safe space to surrender to grief’s ebb and flow. We release tension, allowing emotions to rise and dissipate without judgment. In addition to practicing restorative yoga, I balanced it with a steady yoga practice with long holds and forward bends to nurture the mind, complemented by gentle backbends to stay centered in the heart.
- Yoga Nidra: Yoga Nidra actually prepares us for death. The more we recognize and embrace this state, the more it grants us the gift of surrender. However, this concept may be unsettling for some facing death. Personally, I struggled to practice Yoga Nidra right after Rihanna’s death. Lying down, my mind was restless, and my emotions felt too overwhelming. Instead, I found solace in practicing it while sitting or reclining at a 45-degree angle with a bolster on blocks. As a teacher, this experience has taught me that Yoga Nidra can be adapted to suit different needs, especially for those who find lying down overwhelming during grief.
- Meditation: Meditation is a refuge for the grieving soul, offering solace in the present moment. We ground ourselves in breath and awareness. Meditation helps us delve deeper into energy, surrender to the void, and contemplate the meaning of life and death – if we are willing and able to explore those depths.
- Self-inquiry & Discovering What You Need: I needed to retreat from the world. I required more space to hold my emotions – less social media, fewer commitments, and said no. Yet, there were times when I sought connection with close friends, sharing my feelings to receive their support when I felt unable to support myself. Through grief, I learn to identify what I need for different situations. When I ended my relationship with my ex, I sought therapy, which provided some relief. Grief counseling was particularly helpful, allowing me to acknowledge both the positive and negative aspects of the relationship without demonizing my ex or solely longing for the good times. Additionally, I engaged in rigorous exercise, boxing a punching bag to release pent-up anger. Upon closing my studio, I turned to restorative yoga and Yoga Nidra to nurture my weary body, mind, and heart. Every situation demands a unique approach. What works for me may not work for you. We must listen to our hearts to discern our needs. People employ various coping mechanisms to navigate grief, such as seeking support from friends and family, therapy or support groups, creative outlets like art or writing, self-care activities like exercise, and finding solace in nature, spirituality, or faith.
Embracing the Paradox
In the tapestry of life, grief is both a shadow and a light, a harbinger of destruction and renewal. It’s in embracing this paradox that we find the beauty in the brokenness, the gifts hidden amidst the wreckage. Through the healing practices of ritual, restorative yoga, Yoga Nidra, meditation, and other tools, we honour the complexity of grief, allowing it to shape us into beings of greater compassion, resilience, and grace.
* If you’re finding the grieving process difficult to manage, consider seeking medical advice or therapy. The information provided on this website is for educational and informational purposes only and serves as a self-help tool. Anything written here is not intended to replace medical, clinical, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, intervention, or counseling.
